you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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