i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
