thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
