i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
