just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
