The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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