Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
