Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
