We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
