Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
