My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
