I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
