Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
