thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
