He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
