i need an iv and a liver transplant
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
