Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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