did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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