God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
