dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I wear drunk well.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
