physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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