why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
