2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
