Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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