It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I fill condoms, not promises.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
