I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
