So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
