Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
