And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
