11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
