I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
