I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
