Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize