I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
