Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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