i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
