You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
