Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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