is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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