Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
