Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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