Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
