i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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