Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
