if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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