I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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