So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
