apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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