There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
