Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
