Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
