I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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