Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
