awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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