you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
