she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
