Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
