Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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