Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
