...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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