Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
