I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
And then he peed in my hair
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