hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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