it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
