You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
