this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
